Why Is Overrated. How Is Everything. Well, Almost!

(Please bear in mind that this blog script is the one I used to perform this in front of live audience. )

Are you ready for some magic? This is a simple A4 sized paper. Can anyone pass their entire body through this piece of paper?  Well, most of you can’t and the ones who can I’m not going to let them do that.

If you said you can’t, Why can’t you? 

Do you want to learn how you could do that? –Yes!

Let’s come back to this activity. Can you make some noise.

You have to flip this paper into a half on the long edge and use a scissor to cut it like that. Once from this end about 1 cm from the corner, without tearing the paper apart and then from the other end. Keep going until you’re done.

Now cut the paper from the fold without cutting the last loop. And that’s it. Now, I can pass through this sheet of paper.

Lets have a round of applause.

(See the full video here for this activity.)

Before I started this activity, I asked you Why can’t you do that?

And that looks like such an unreasonable question to ask isn’t it? Some of you were thinking “I can’t do that because I don’t know this trick.” where as some thought that I was questioning their creative instinct.

And yet, we ask and get asked Why questions all the time – be in office or home.

• Why couldn’t you complete the assignment?
• Why couldn’t you be on time?
• Why can’t you make a stronger relationship with your boss?

Why questions have their place in understanding the Mission, Purpose, Beliefs and Motivation.

But How is important in most other situations especially when you’re trying to bring about a change in behaviour.

If my intent is to make you a more creative purpose, then instead of asking why can’t you do this activity, I should be asking how can you increase your creative ability. May be it’s about watching a Youtube video daily for five minutes or checking out a blog on www.howiseverything.in.

Let me share an example.

This is before the lockdown happened. I would reach back home after a long day at work to realize that the kids had made a mess of the house. The house would look like a laundry, a garbage house, a kitchen all combined together. And I would make me infuriated.

“Why can’t you keep the room clean?”

“Why can’t you show some respect?”

But everytime their reaction was that:

“I asked Mom and she said I could do it.”

“I didn’t do it – He/ she! did!” pointing at the other sibling.

Ultimately, it was I who would end up cleaning it all up. Then, it dawned on me that I was asking the wrong question.

“How can you clean your room, Sohana and Tanav?”

It took a while but they started thinking in the direction I’d have liked for them to go.

Why Makes us Rigid, Defensive and Difficult to be Influenced.

-PETER FUDA

On the other hand, How is: Devoid of ego and blame, and makes the other person more open to change. Moreover How brings our attention back to what’s most important right now.

Next time, when you’re tempted to ask Why, take a pause, reflect and convert that into a How question. Some examples of good How questions:

• How could we get this done?
• How can we fix the situation?
• How can we move this forward?

And in doing so, you are more likely to not just achieve the desired outcome but also build stronger relationships with your coworkers, family or friends.

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