by Sometimes you just have to hear out what you already know.
When life is throwing all sorts of challenges at you all at once. When you know all this is perhaps going to teach you something at the end, but then you feel you didn’t need so much learning anyway. When you’re doing the exact opposite of what you should be doing.
That’s exactly the situation I found myself in. Whether it’s office or home, work deliverables or relationships, it’s seeming to all come towards me in full force. As if someone is throwing another two balls at you to catch, when you take a catch, and another four when you drop one. Phew!
A new role at office, changing dynamics with our business partners, discord in family, and the ongoing projects – you name it. All of the above requiring immediate attention, and all at once.
I don’t know how else would I have been able to address it, but thanks to Toastmasters, I have a mentor group, which meets every week to discuss and share practical ideas on topics that the mentees decide.
Today, I gave this topic: How to stay calm and find the way forward when you’re under pressure from all sides.
And after hearing everyone out, I realized that I was doing almost everything wrong.
The first and perhaps the obvious suggestion was to process it “serialized” and not in parallel i.e. like a computer processes the information. I was mixing it all up and that was only further complicating the matters. I was doing it in the garb of ‘pressure’, but then who said that when in pressure, bend the rules? If fact, when in pressure, stick more to the rules.
Second suggestion was to take a vacation. Well, now I know it’s a crazy idea and when life is coming after you left, right and center, one just can’t afford to run away to Mussoorie for a time off. However, one can still take a “mini-vacation“. A little 5:30 AM walk in the park, a day off just, or even an extra tea break. All this to look at the problems from a distance without being wrapped up around them. In my case, during the pressure situation, I seemed to be running from pillar to post, from one frying pan into another fire, missing time even for a toothpaste break. Therefore, you can imagine this suggestion means a lot.
Next practical tip was to “Self-talk“. Other people have a lot to say – your bosses, colleagues, family – but more than anyone of them you have to hear your own self. And while you can’t control other people’s language, you can be kind to yourself in your “Self-talks”. You will always thank yourself for these talks. Indeed it’s easy to miss when one is sitting in a pressure cooker, but even more necessary.
Bhavya Sir, my mentor (I’m proud of you!), shared a great tip from his Landmark experience, where they were told to “separate the problem from the stories“. The stories are the extra fluff we often tend to add around the problems – the emotions, the fears, the what-if’s. Idea is to focus only on the problem and not on the “stories“.
Some other suggestions which look obvious now and yet I had completely forgotten because of the stress – “drop some of the initiatives which are running well”, “delegate”, “focus on the few”, “don’t make the problem bigger than it is”, and “consider the worst case scenario – can it cost your life, your best relationships, your job? If not, then why worry about something that doesn’t have such a big impact anyway.”
However the greatest learning I took back was this one – “Attach yourself to the work. Don’t attach yourself to the results.” This is derived from Bhagwat Gita
कर्म करो, फल की चिंता मत करो
– श्रीमद्भगवद्गीता
All the problems start happening when we attach ourselves to the results – Will I win the prize, Will I come first, Will I look good enough, Will I be able to save my face.. All that is one or the other form of results. Stay attached on what you can do, your work, and detach yourself from the results. That would take a lot of stress off you because you’re now only worrying about what’s in your control and not what is outside.
Thank you Bhavya Sir (The Mentor), Deeptendu, Sanjeev for the gift of your time, and your valuable suggestions. Thank you Toastmasters for letting me find these and many many more amazing people, who genuinely care.