How I Identified which 1 Habit was Interrupting My Growth?

In line with our October Family mission (CHABITOBER: Change one Habit, this October!), I have been thinking about which habit should I change – a better daily time table perhaps, or healthy lifestyle, writing and sharing my blogs or something else.

After sufficient thinking I realized that while I have already done quite a lot in terms of these things, especially with respect to having a strict writing and posting schedule for my blogs.
However, there are some things that stop me from accomplishing my goal. As I was thinking about it, I realized that I am very externally focused – which means that I am very conscious about what the others are thinking about me.

This single ‘bad’ habit is coming in the way of my most important goals and dreams.

The truth is that I always deny that I have this ‘bad’ habit. In fact, I think that I’m very bindaas and carefree about what others think about me. But deep down, this is not the case.

Funny thing is that even I didn’t know about this until yesterday. This is how I introspected myself and observed my behaviour:

I have been thinking about CHABITOBER for last few days. Which habit to take up to change. And yesterday, while I still had this in the back of my mind, the day was progressing as usual. As I am getting my life back on track slowly after illness, I had resume my weekly Toastmasters meeting today as a step towards that.

They usually expect everyone to keep the videos on. And, in the past I have always kept mine on too. I have also made sure in the past that I looked decent – I am very particular about wearing a shirt, taking a shower, and combing my hair.

But this time, given that these rather basic things look like HUGE tasks, I could do none of the above and at best could only manage a face wash.

But, I could not gather the courage to switch on my video. “May be I didn’t look up to the mark.”, my mind was thinking.

That even though I am a sincere Area Director who has to lead from front to demonstrate good behaviour. But I was thinking why am I not able to switch on the video. And then answers started coming –

Am I looking fine enough, and since I’m on the terrace, is the background good enough – I looked around and noticed that the wall paints are weaning off so badly, my 60 year old house is shouting in pain to get some repairs, the cement and bricks have fallen off from the roof of the room, and one went my list..

I quickly checked to see if the Zoom meeting will allow me to set up a virtual background, but for some Godly reason, that option is not coming at all. I even tried to google to see what can be done but in vain.

I look for this location, inside, and reject it and then outside and then reject that too. Try a few more and settle for one which is only slightly better than others.

By now, I am almost challenging myself to switch on my video at least for some time during the 2 hour long call.

I realize that some one from the neighbor across the road is in their balcony, perhaps spreading their wet clothes.

Now, I’m unconsciously thinking what he/ she would think of me sitting here in the terrace. “What am I doing here?”, “How am I looking”.. and all the usual set of questions

This despite the fact that Dinky, dear wife, had just told me a day before that she had happily shown this same place where she was isolated to her friend. In fact, wife dear also came online on video for our monthly mission call – MISSION CHABITOBER. Where this all began.

I hence realized that I have a long way to go. While there is nothing wrong with looking your best or having a clean background , but if that is coming in the way of your growth there is a problem that needs to be fixed. A ‘bad’ habit that needs to be overcome.

That is the root cause for me not being able to share my blogs and videos also as much as I would have liked. Something stops me. And this is that something. I have pin-pointed that. So, ladies and gentlemen.

My CHABITOBER habit to change would be:
To move from being externally focused to being internally focused.

Here is I would measure if I’m on track:

1. I’ll create and share my blogs twice a week. [without caring too much about how many people have seen/ liked/ commented on any of that]
2. I’ll try to be of value to others in what ever I do [even if I get zero rewards or appreciation]
3. I would try to be more comfortable in my skin [and care less about whether others are seeing me/ my posts and what they might be thinking]

That’s it. Too long a post, I know, but I was thinking along with writing.

Lots of love to Team CHABITOBER. With your help, I’m sure I can achieve this mission and many more.

Good luck to the team for your own Habit changes this CHABITOBER OCTOBER :).

Until next time, this is Mohit signing off.